


My heart is ugly, but it could be all yours

by orphan_account



Category: Traveler
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 04:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's no room for Tyler in the middle of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My heart is ugly, but it could be all yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Enigel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigel/gifts).



Something changes when they're all back together again.

No, something changes when everything goes wrong; when they have nothing to look forward to, when they have no more hope.

They flee New York, because there's nothing left for them there. They flee without looking back, and drive for endless days and even more endless nights through the open roads. They flee, but they don't get stupid; they change cars every other day, they never stay long in one place, they always pay cash when they buy something, they try to stay off the main roads.

"We'll lay low for a while. Let everything calm down until we're not on the fucking news anymore," Will says, and it sounds like a good idea.

A good idea at the time, anyway.

But then there's weeks of rain and living in crappy motels or sleeping in the car they've rented or stolen for the week. Then there's spending a couple of days in a tent when the car breaks down, trying to fit together in such a small space without getting on each others' nerves too much (it doesn't work). Then there's renting an apartment in the middle of nowhere while they try to figure out what their next move should be, except that it's damn near impossible for them to figure out who gets to sleep in the single bed in the apartment, much less what they should be doing weeks from now.

Tyler doesn't quite know when the change happens, or why, but he pretends not to notice. It's easier that way.

He pretends he doesn't see the glances that Will and Jay exchange, pretends he doesn't hear the hushed conversations and the whispered promises, pretends he doesn't see if when they sneak away - first from the car, then the motels, then the apartment - and stay gone for hours without saying where they're going. Tyler pretends he doesn't notice the swollen lips or the bruised knuckles, pretends that he believes it when Jay says the scrape along his cheekbone is because he walked into a shelf. He pretends he's not watching when they scowl at each other, or when Will leans over and drags nails over Jay's bare arm. He pretends that it's not real, that it doesn't mean anything that Will laughs at Jay's jokes, that it doesn't matter if Jay covers Will's hand with his own.

He pretends he's not on the other side of the thin wall, listening, when Jay and Will don't even leave the apartment anymore, and fuck each other in the cramped bathroom instead. Tyler pretends he doesn't hear the stifled moans, the quiet gasps, the harsh curses, Jay's choked voice coming through the wall. He pretends he doesn't imagine them kissing, touching each other, roughing each other up, leaving marks in each others' bodies, on each others' souls. He pretends he doesn't think that it's just as much fighting as fucking. He pretends he isn't jerking off while listening to them, eyes closed tightly and movements quick, guilty.

He pretends it doesn't hurt to know he's being left out, that there's no room for him in the middle of this.

One day, after nearly six months, Will leaves them, doesn't give them more of an explanation than a short note and an 'I'll be back in a week'. The apartment feels large without him; there's an empty space between Jay and Tyler, a space that Tyler can't seem to fill, no matter what he does.

"Jay," Tyler starts, a hint of desperation in his voice, but he never finishes.


End file.
